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Ahem, we started a series of discussions on this topic, and found that although we all call ourselves old drivers, we still feel very shy when talking about oral sex. This feeling is the same when we talk about traditional sexual intercourse. Never.
Today, we also want to talk about oral sex with you openly and honestly.
01. Oral sex, what do people think?
For some, oral sex isn't sex at all. They regard oral sex as "borderline sexual behavior", as long as the two parties do not have "introduction/penetration sexual behavior", then it does not constitute real sexual behavior.
Some young people even view oral sex as a form of "abstinence" as a substitute for sex, thinking that they are still "virgin" after oral sex (also known as "technical virginity" in the United States).
In addition, the study also found that non-partner oral sex does have different meanings for men and women (Patrick & Lee, 2010). Oral sex in a casual, non-committal relationship tends to have completely different emotional outcomes for men and women.
Compared with men, women who engage in casual oral sex often feel exploited by their sexual partners, while they also report less pleasure and satisfaction, lower sexual self-esteem, and more anxiety and guilt about their sexuality.
There are even some people who think that there is a clear difference between having oral sex with someone other than their partner and having sex with an adulterer. Oral sex masturbator allows you to experience oral sex alone.
However, for some people, non-partner oral sex is out of the question. In their values, oral sex is far more intimate than inclusion/penetration.
The closeness of an intimate relationship is reflected in the things that "do something disgusting with others". Oral sex is just such an act. Whether it is oral sex or the person who is being oral sex, you need to completely show your most secret side in front of the other party. Doing this without total love and trust means high unknown risk.
Moreover, some people think that oral sex is an act of purely paying for the other party. When a person gives oral sex to another person, he or she does not get anything physical or substantial from the experience. This shows that ta only cares about the other party's pleasure, and is willing to pay for the other party's happiness, which requires love as the engine.
Victoria Milan founder Sigurd Vedal says oral sex is the ultimate act of intimacy, lust and trust.
02. The meaning of oral sex is viewed in psychology this way
Psychological researchers believe that oral sex has a deeper meaning than people think.
As adults, society requires us to be polite and decent, to learn to hide our vulnerability and vulnerability, to hide our desires and hungers. We can't show our true colors while meeting society's expectations.
And sex has become the most direct outlet for us to connect with our true selves, liberating us temporarily from the "dirty-holy" binary opposition of social values, and integrating with our truest selves.
We actually agreed and opened our mouths—the face should be the most respected organ—to greet each other's most "dirty" and most private parts enthusiastically, which symbolized complete psychological acceptance.
Oral sex means exposing our whole selves to another person without reservation, including what society considers private and dirty, followed by a warm, supportive response.
This affirmative echo of one's true, even ugly, selves can strengthen the bond of loyalty between partners. And because this kind of behavior is often not available to the public world, we feel like we've created private sanctuaries with each other, where two people feel a sense of intimacy as one.
Not only that, oral sex, in an evolutionary sense, can also increase the rate of conception and reduce the rate of infidelity.
Women retain more sperm when they orgasm shortly after their partners ejaculate, research has found. That is to say, men can increase the conception rate by oral sex for women after ejaculation, so that women can reach orgasm (Pham et al., 2013).
Because female orgasm has been shown to cause the uterus to contract, "which will pull the sperm further down the reproductive tract." The study explains why oral sex in women may be evolutionarily beneficial. Leten Future Pro gives you the ultimate sex experience.
A study in the psychological journal Evolutionary Psychology also attempted to delve into the scientific and evolutionary reasons why men give oral sex to women (Pham et al., 2013).
Researchers at Oakland University surveyed 243 adult men in heterosexual relationships and found that oral sex performed by a man on a woman is part of a "spouse retention strategy" that increases her satisfaction with the relationship and thereby reduces the risk of infidelity. Minimize and strengthen the intimacy of each other.
03. Myths and truths about oral sex
Myth: Oral sex is less susceptible to disease than penetrative sex.
Fact: Many sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and other diseases can be transmitted through oral sex.
Genital, anal, and rectal STDs can all be transmitted through oral sex, as can infection from the mouth or throat to and around the genitals (CDC, n.d.).
STDs that can be transmitted through oral sex include chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, HPV (human papillomavirus), and AIDS. If the anus is involved, then hepatitis A and B, intestinal parasites, and intestinal bacteria are also included (CDC, n.d.).
In addition, medical research has found that the greater the number of oral sex partners in a person's life, the earlier the age of oral sex (<18 years old), the higher the intensity of oral sex (multiple sexual partners in a short period of time), and the oral sex before other sexual acts , will increase the risk of HPV-related oropharyngeal cancer (Johns Hopkins Medicine, 2021; Drake et al., 2021).
Although it is a bit appalling, for the sake of safety, it is recommended that you use a non-lubricated oral condom correctly during oral sex.
However, as long as there is sex, there is a risk of STDs. After all, the surest way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases is abstinence.
Misconception: People who give oral sex don't feel good, it's an act of pure devotion.
Truth: People who give oral sex to each other also enjoy it, and oral sex and being oral are just different forms of pleasure.
Many people may not understand why some people are willing to take the initiative to give oral sex to their partners, because for the giving party, this process is only hard work without physical pleasure.
But that's not the case.
Many people enjoy pleasing their partner, and it is wonderful to feel that the other person is turned on by you. The sexual organs are often considered the most vulnerable part of a person, and sexual excitement is also one of the most vulnerable moments of a person. The person who takes the initiative to give oral sex to the other party is not only not being controlled, but the controller (Duncan, 2020).
"For me, the motivation for oral sex is pure. I don't need stimulation right now, I just want to focus on you. Your moaning and trembling, is the best reward."
Misconception: Since oral sex is a sign of intimacy, if my partner refuses to give me oral sex, it means there is something wrong in our relationship.
Truth: Everyone has their own sexual preferences, and some people just aren't interested—and that's totally fine.
Even though we've said so much above about the benefits of oral sex, remember that oral sex is still just one way to have sex, one option. We have to remember that sex is not an obligation, something that can be commanded from another person - unless the other person likes it.
If you really want to give oral sex to the other party, or want the other party to give you oral sex, you can communicate with the other party more frankly and understand the other party's concerns and preferences.
But even people who are highly sexually open may be reluctant to perform oral sex (whether it's given or received). Don't overly question the other person or your relationship just because they don't want to do a particular thing. Everyone has their own unique preferences in sex, and different people have different acceptance and views on different forms of sexual behavior.
In conclusion, sex should not be something we have to do, but something we want to do.